Johnny Martinez of Warrior Healer Podcast

Mark welcomes Johnny Martinez of Warrior Healer Podcast.

11/10/2024 – FREE Veterans sound bath donations page:

https://www.givesendgo.com/warriorhealerpodcast

Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/warrior-healer-podcast/id1683799144

For spiritual advisor work:

Warriorhealerpodcast@gmail.com

Instagram : 

@Warriorhealerpodcast

@Johnny.Jiu.Jitsu

Donations direct to podcast:

https://www.venmo.com/u/warriorhealer

Outro: ”Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodnight” – This score is in public domain and may be freely downloaded, printed, and performed. The sound file may be downloaded for personal use. For more information see https://lincolnlibraries.org/polley-music-library/

Transcript:

(0:00) Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Knocked Conscious today had the pleasure of speaking with Johnny Martinez (0:06) He’s the host of the warrior healer podcast. It was a great conversation. Here it is.I hope you enjoy it (0:15) Johnny Martinez (0:16) Welcome, let me make sure I’m recording because I never know if this thing is actually working because I’m the worst at this. I (0:23) Understand I (0:26) It says recording on my screen, so I think we’re good doesn’t on mine, too (0:29) So I’m gonna trust it. I usually has a time on it though.There it goes. All right (0:35) Yeah (0:37) the stream yard process I’ve done one episode on here so far and (0:42) We just like two hours ago. We’re working through it and I thought I lost all the files and it was gone (0:49) Yeah, it was a bit of a maze it was it the first time you used it or it was yeah (0:53) Yeah, first time on my platform (0:56) All right, well welcome man welcome (0:58) You are the head of the warrior healer product podcast.Is that right warrior healer podcast? Yes (1:07) Nice, so I just jumped on the Instagram real quick (1:09) I’d like to read the three reasons to subscribe to the warrior healer podcast through your three Instagram for me (1:15) It sounded really interesting to me. So (1:18) Welcome to Knocked Conscious. First of all, I’m very excited to talk because I think it’s just gonna be this real flowing conversation (1:24) About whatever comes up to be honest.Mm-hmm. So number one (1:30) Awesome so real stories of resilience (1:33) every episode dives deep into the personal journeys of guests who have overcome adversity from trauma and addiction to (1:41) self-discovery and healing (1:43) number two practical tools for personal growth for (1:47) Medicare and medicine insights learn actionable techniques to unlock your spiritual and emotional growth and (1:55) Last but not least and I’m sure there’s more than three but three would be community and connection (2:00) Join a community of listeners who are committed to living with intention healing and supporting one another’s growth (2:07) Those are beautiful messages man. So welcome (2:10) Thank you.I had to have a (2:13) Good friend of yours and an acquaintance of mine whom I met once (2:17) Or a few times through Freedom Fest this summer. I connected us. I’m very grateful to him as well (2:23) So warrior healer, I heard it your friend our friend talked about it and I was instantly (2:30) Interested in what you what you bring the table (2:34) So I just want to love to hear a origin story because like I love to hear how people got where they got (2:41) It’s very important because I think if we can trace back each step (2:45) We see where we diverge from other places where we might have made different choices or something like that (2:50) Yeah, so warrior healer.How did it start? I mean tell me about where it started for you (2:55) It’s got to be probably childhood on so yeah. Yeah, absolutely (3:00) Unfortunately, and fortunately, I suppose right for from birth really (3:06) I’m (3:08) Trying to think of how deep I want to go here right off the bat ultimately absolutely man (3:12) We’ll start easy and like I said as it comes up, it’s not you know, yeah. Yeah (3:16) Yeah, so I guess to answer your question the creation of the warrior healer podcast (3:24) You know, I thought about it for like roughly a year or so and it was very intriguing to me (3:29) I felt as if it was something that I wanted to do but I just didn’t have you know (3:33) ultimately the self-worth to kind of (3:35) jump into it and fear of being heard and all these other things that kind of surfaced with that and (3:43) Excuse me, I (3:45) ended up attending a (3:47) ayahuasca ceremony in Costa Rica and that was my third ceremony sitting with the grandmother medicine and (3:56) out there I (3:57) connected with (3:59) I’ll say a pretty high level (4:00) Podcaster, I guess if there are levels to this or whatever a lot of listeners and stuff, you know (4:06) been doing it for quite a while and (4:08) we were (4:09) Friendly going into it not particularly friends, but we knew each other we had numbers and stuff like that and throughout the process out there (4:17) I’ll give him a shout out Greg Anderson with the endless endeavor podcast (4:21) We sat for 10 days together in a little hut.We sat through ceremonies together (4:25) We ended up leaving the ceremony retreat early for reasons that I go into and a couple of my episodes (4:33) but out there (4:36) Alongside Greg and a couple of other individuals. It was just a really good community of guys (4:42) that had an understanding and a perspective of where I was coming from and they had done the things that I I (4:48) guess had my my sights kind kind of set on right not not (4:53) particularly but a little bit (4:56) And it got me fucking amped, dude (5:00) Excuse my language. I don’t know if we could swear here, but oh it got no that this is a swearing pot (5:04) This is all about like energy and because it’s about passion.Oh, yeah (5:09) So if you got fucking amp you got fucking amps like yeah (5:11) I like that energy that blood flowing and you just like that you just feel it right? It’s sort of like absolutely (5:18) yeah, and so (5:20) We didn’t even come back from Costa Rica yet, or I didn’t even return home yet (5:24) And I had bought the you know, the website domain name (5:28) I had went on GoDaddy and did all this stuff and I (5:31) Created the Instagram and everything while I was out there and the day that I landed from Costa Rica (5:36) I bought all of the setup that I have and (5:41) the (5:43) Primary push behind why I wanted to create this was because going into Costa Rica (5:48) like I said, I had been on my healing journey for a little while at that point already and (5:53) I showed up out there in one of the worst places. I (5:57) Had been in a very long time when it came to mental health aspects (6:02) I would never actually do it, but I had suicidal ideations and thoughts very often, you know a lot of depression (6:09) loss of purpose (6:10) many many things surfacing and I’m sure we’ll get into why some of those came up or whatever, but (6:17) I (6:19) Going out there all that. Yeah.Yeah going out there and (6:24) Sitting and just talking with these guys that could understand me and connect and you know (6:29) I’ve been in this community before so I knew what to expect but it was something that I wasn’t (6:34) You know, I wasn’t necessarily expecting that kind of energy out there (6:38) The want to come home and like fucking crush the world kind of feeling right and like we do got something to say, right? (6:44) and so (6:46) Yeah, I came home and I wanted to try was it was it all men at this at the at this specific retreat (6:53) It was not so, um, I shared myself connecting a little bit to them more to the men in the correct (7:01) Yeah, I always feel very connected to everyone. Honestly, I do (7:06) But in those particular, you know, you’re a military guy, right? (7:09) I mean it makes sense that you would have some masculine tendencies that would kind of connect you in (7:13) Hobbies or some kind of interest, correct? Correct and a common perspective, right? They have served (7:19) They have seen some stuff they have this this industry some of the same things. Yeah.Yeah to some variable, right? And (7:27) I (7:28) wanted to come home and have guests come on and share where they were in life and how they got there because I (7:36) Had felt as if I climbed out of the deepest steps that you could possibly imagine and it had been (7:43) Decades of feeling that way in and out and then it really just come into this big (7:47) You know peak and or I guess Valley really and yeah (7:53) like (7:54) Think about like guys you approach the speed of sound right certain parts of the aircraft hit that drag that you have to push through (8:01) And it’s that pressure of that point. That’s where you have to either throttle through it or pull back and just get out (8:08) Mm-hmm. And so I had this perspective now of (8:15) Man that was pretty crazy, right all of those feelings (8:18) I can’t believe I was in that place and I’m so grateful and excited and happy that I got out of that now (8:23) I want to try and share because I know a lot if not (8:27) Everyone has felt some level of that and I do believe and I do see very often hence the reason I work with people (8:34) It can surface in many many ways it doesn’t have to go to that extreme, right? (8:41) but everyone has faced their demons or or is exposed to their shadow sides and (8:46) some people don’t have answers or ways to get out most individuals feel very alone in that space as did I and (8:54) Because of that it creates seclusion when there should be a commonality there (8:58) It’s a talking point every single person has baggage and when you start to address the baggage you realize it’s kind of all the same (9:05) And it’s not discrediting anyone because trauma I believe is subjective (9:10) Right you stubbing your toe could have been the peak of yours when you know (9:15) I was domestically abused or whatever the case right whatever the comparison, right? (9:21) Right everybody’s worst place is their worst place from what they experienced individually (9:27) There is no way there everyone’s apples and oranges every single experience (9:32) And even if you expound that genetically how we react to that depends on our some of our genetic disposition how we’re wired (9:39) So there’s so many factors that go into how it really is cultivated into like a human being (9:46) Yeah, absolutely.And I guess to answer the rest of the question. That’s kind of why the (9:52) Podcast exists and so it’s to you know, get some of those people that have been through hell and back (9:56) Maybe they’re still there and they need a little bit of guidance and someone to hold space and listen to their story (10:02) because sharing time and (10:05) Sharing your story are some of the most powerful gifts that you can give anybody (10:09) So thank you for your time. Thank you for having me on right and same to all of my guests (10:14) Thank you so much for coming on and giving me (10:16) You know that time the audience that time and a different perspective on a lot of the same things (10:23) well, I’d like to thank you first of all because (10:26) I’ve been doing this for like four years.I got almost 200 podcasts. I (10:30) Just I just want to talk to people and just get to know I love (10:35) Meeting people. I just love meeting people getting to know who they are how they tick and when when our mutual friend connected us (10:43) I’m like, please let Johnny come on first.This isn’t a whole quid pro quo like, you know, I’ll follow you follow me (10:51) This isn’t about that. It’s about let’s get the stories out. You know, I mean (10:55) I’d love to hear your story to share to people who haven’t heard something like that (11:00) So, thank you for sharing your time.It’s it’s really you’re the you’re the person offering your time. So, thank you (11:06) Absolutely. It’s my pleasure and I look forward to it man.Yeah, this is always fun to just open openly talk right with nothing (11:13) Yeah, there are no expectations and I welcome that (11:17) Yeah, so I would assume do you have you you do a lot of stories with people who come from different backgrounds and whatnot (11:23) Would you say a majority of your people do come from some military or some kind of physical trauma background that you come across or (11:31) is there like a demographic of male-female breakdown what type of traumas they’ve gone through who’s been through your show or (11:39) How you know or how they’re resolving those issues or things like that? (11:43) Yeah, so I guess short answer. There’s not really (11:47) I’m like a standard that I base anything off of right because again (11:51) it’s all subjective and if you’re willing to share it then I welcome the space and I will hold a place of non-judgment because I (11:58) Surely cannot judge anybody. I’ve been a piece of shit a long majority of my life (12:04) I openly can say that and I know that but I am NOT anymore and I’ve done a lot of hard work and I have (12:10) Traveled the country in the world seeking the best teachers that you can right? (12:15) Sorry, I love tangents very much (12:18) No, I that’s I was actually gonna call my show tangents (12:22) Literally my buddy and I we go to a to J to B to Q just jump around man.That’s what it’s all about (12:28) So just follow (12:30) Cuz you know, it’s funny like we talked about that just as as an aside (12:34) We’re probably getting in the whole energy thing law of attraction on stuff (12:37) But it’s like we talk about attracting others and that’s not how it works. We need to align with the energy (12:43) So when we have a conversation like this and it gets off (12:46) There’s a reason it broke off (12:48) So we have to just follow that current of it because it that’s where the epiphanies happen (12:53) I think so feel free to just share how you however you’d like to beautiful. I wasn’t sure how you ran the show (12:59) That’s typically how I run it as well.I don’t know it runs itself (13:03) I think a lot of like the good material comes from those tangents because that’s the free flow of energy that we’re talking about (13:09) It’s like that flow. It’s like when to ban when a band band mates start jamming together (13:14) You can start getting that back and forth and you start resonating and then you start just feeling it and then stuff comes out (13:20) That you just never you’re like, whoa that did someone just say that, you know, and it’s their literal epiphany moments, you know (13:26) Absolutely. Absolutely (13:29) So the demographic I would say (13:32) is primarily men roughly, you know, 20 to 40 50 years old and (13:38) a large majority of the individuals I’ve had on as of this point, which (13:43) You know, it’s like 75 ish episodes is (13:46) Primarily out of like military jujitsu law enforcement because that is the community that I just naturally resonated with (13:56) Before I became this very open vulnerable individual.And so the transition is slowly working more into the healing modalities (14:04) it’s bringing in, you know acupuncturists and ketamine doctors and (14:10) You know because again that’s that’s kind of part of what I’m doing here is I’m trying to welcome these different modalities these things that I (14:16) have came in in contact with and (14:19) Trying to find the best instructors people in the area building that community (14:28) And that’s kind of funny right because they’re like hey, okay you want to you want to get bigger biceps, okay, just do curls (14:33) Well, that’s not the only exercise you need, you know what I mean, there’s many exercises you can do to get bigger biceps, right? (14:41) That’s where you come in. You’re looking at different modalities of healing. It’s like healing just doesn’t happen straight up (14:47) You know (14:47) It’s almost like a little bit 10% (14:49) You know of your medicine that you’re talking about that we’ll get into maybe a 5% spiritual component 10 15% of this (14:57) You know 90% diet, you know, whatever whatever those percentages are that all makes the whole right? (15:03) To make that person (15:06) Yeah, yeah, absolutely (15:08) and you know (15:08) I hit on jujitsu a little bit and that played a really big part and so (15:12) Because of that that was a large portion of the community starting right off the bat (15:18) and (15:18) because of that it gave me a new gratitude for the gym that I go to and attend and you know the space that (15:25) those gyms are capable of holding and (15:29) It makes training this whole new thing because it’s introduced a level of vulnerability to the gym all of these (15:35) Individuals that are friends and syncing up and they’re like, you know (15:38) Hanging out with each other and going out and doing stuff, but they don’t really know each other but they know their energy (15:44) Which says more than whatever your story is, but now (15:49) Thanks to me I suppose but I’m not gonna take credit for that right because it’s like a hub-and-spoke thing (15:54) Yeah (15:58) They were able to come and share their stories and it’s opening up to deeper friendships deeper level of communication and then opening up that (16:06) the expansion of knowledge and in (16:09) conversation ultimately on an authentic genuine level as opposed to the (16:13) You know who you voting for all this shit, right? Like I brought I don’t care about any of that (16:18) You know what? I mean? Like, how are you doing? How do you feel? (16:21) Yeah, how you feeling right that’s that’s funny it’s interesting you mentioned did you do it I’ve got a weird story (16:29) Do you know who Pat Miletic is any chance? (16:32) You see like I’ve heard the name, but I’m not positive.Okay. Anyway, well, it was really interesting but right after Freedom Fest (16:41) Somehow he got invited to my house the Tuesday after so he came over (16:45) I bought like $400 worth of steak like non by antibiotic steak and all this like super healthy stuff (16:50) He was like a UFC champ. He’s like actually like I think he was welter middle.I think was welterweight champ (16:55) okay, and and anyway, so he invited me to like he was doing some (17:00) Brazilian jiu-jitsu (17:02) Training that night and I’m like, I’m 50 man (17:05) I haven’t rolled in forever like I’ve got a messed up rib like I tore my cartilage just roll in there for a second (17:10) But watching that community though, like watching these people like vibe, you know what I mean? (17:15) It was pretty cool and I met and I’m trying to get them on the podcast (17:19) I met a father daughter (17:21) 14 year old daughters (17:23) Brought her dad into Brazilian jiu-jitsu and now they’re both doing it together (17:26) And it’s like that’s like better than the Taylor Swift football thing because like that could be fleeting (17:32) you know what I mean like this is like discipline and structure and like commute like it is real community and (17:37) Watching those people like together. It’s really cool. It’s really great to see.Yeah. Yeah, it’s a beautiful space (17:43) I am a big advocate for it (17:46) I should be training a little bit more than I do myself, but life gets busy (17:50) And jiu-jitsu is always there but it always has a place in my heart because of that (17:54) It is this temple of healing and in essence, really? (18:00) So, do you find it interesting I would think back in the day I went when men started sharing their feelings (18:07) They would generally share it to women (18:12) Because there’s no weakness in sharing a (18:15) Man’s weakness to a woman cuz like, you know men are still stronger than women right? Like there’s a stigma there, right? (18:22) You’re now seeing men (18:25) Completely opening up in all these different spaces in a very vulnerable way like literally showing their soft white underbelly (18:33) Where do you see that shift starting where that had finally started becoming kind of an acceptable thing for us? (18:41) I’m gonna be honest. I still don’t think it’s entirely acceptable (18:45) Accepted rather.I think it’s not honor. It’s not even. Yeah.Yeah, it’s not it’s it’s very very far from (18:53) but it is I (18:55) Will say the tides are absolutely turning (18:57) It’s happening at a pretty rapid rate (19:00) thanks to a lot of I guess media directed at it and people talking about all this healing and different modalities and plant medicines and (19:10) retreats and all these things that are out there to go and do and (19:13) You know the VA started looking into like (19:15) Psilocybin usage and ketamine usage and all these other things that are opening up to a lot of pathways (19:21) but (19:23) you know, I was married before I got a divorce and I (19:28) Was very closed off emotionally. I would have like never cried. I was not empathetic (19:32) I just didn’t understand anything ultimately when I came to like feelings and emotion (19:37) totally shut them off pretty much a large majority of my life and (19:44) Going to my first ayahuasca ceremony, I returned back with a very deep level of vulnerability (19:50) That was where I was exposed to it (19:52) I felt trusted and you know (19:53) Respected enough to to be able to do that and that there was no judgment and a lot of respect held there for those things (20:03) And so I came home and was very vulnerable and (20:06) Came with a whole new side and perspective on things and I know it was very challenging (20:11) For her because it’s an entirely different human being and then what I ended up doing not to share too much I guess (20:17) but I got frustrated because it’s like (20:20) Fuck being vulnerable like look I’m and then I got a divorce a week later, by the way (20:24) And so it’s like why am I gonna be vulnerable? (20:27) this is what I get like they talk about how great this is and all this shit and (20:31) She can’t even understand what I’m talking about at all because I’m a different human and then I’m getting mad about it (20:38) But I didn’t learn the lesson yeah, there’s like a weird resentment mad about that (20:42) Yeah, because when I went through my biggest changes (20:45) I was in the middle of relationship and it was the same thing and it grew us apart because we change we literally just grew in (20:51) different ways (20:52) Mm-hmm.Yeah (20:55) Yeah, and so, you know that vulnerability is really stuck with me and that’s that’s (21:01) I’ll say my bread and butter to some extent ultimately (21:04) That’s what I welcome in every space because I don’t have shit to hide from anyone (21:08) You know, I’m it’s just what it is. The past is of the past and so it is (21:13) Yeah, but I think a lot of it (21:15) Passed without having to like be bound to the to the victimhood of it, right? (21:19) Like look, yes mistakes were made or this does equal that that did you can be a half count accountable per se (21:26) But you don’t have to blame it. You don’t to put blame on something just cuz just cuz something (21:31) Occurred that created another thing.It’s not like fault. You know what? (21:34) Shit happens and many times you do it unintentionally (21:39) You’re trying to do something else and it you do it the other way because you you get it (21:42) You can’t get out of your own head, you know (21:45) Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, man.It’s (21:49) It’s a challenge. It’s challenging to be vulnerable to some extent and if I’m being entirely vulnerable, which I claim to be I (21:57) Still struggle with it at some level that level being at the deepest levels when it comes to relationships with families (22:04) my son (22:05) You know relationships with a significant other (22:09) Because then you’re at your peak (22:12) Vulnerability the absolute highest and then you get frustrated or these things get twanged right? Your strings are getting struck (22:20) That’s when you need to be the most vulnerable and open (22:23) but it’s so scary to do and that’s why no one does it or a lot of people don’t and (22:28) Then you get right the part that transitions into that as a fear of not being heard a fear of not being seen a fear (22:35) Losing respect because I’m showing my you know, my myself to you. I’m absolutely vulnerable and naked (22:41) I’m a child kind of because when you’re addressing these things you’re going back to your traumas (22:47) Well, the traumas almost always results from childhood (22:51) So you are becoming a little kid.That’s why you start flying off the handles, right? (22:56) I have big emotions and I’m passionate and you’re screaming. It’s like you’re you’re having a temper tantrum (23:02) Like literally, yeah, yeah, and that’s okay (23:05) But grow aware to it learn from it what’s happening and then address it and work from that (23:12) again, I love tangents, but (23:15) I’m a big advocate for vulnerability, but it does ruffle some feathers (23:21) But it will hold you true to yourself, which is the most important piece (23:26) With some vulnerability comes some truth (23:29) Or all truth, I guess and I think what happens is when (23:35) It hurts others because of that fear to be vulnerable when someone’s able to do it first (23:43) For them then to take that step. It’s great because it does allow someone easier to take that step (23:48) But when they compare themselves to you, they almost see like what the heck I can’t open myself up that much, you know (23:54) So sometimes it almost has that reverse effect, you know what I mean? (23:57) But you you just offer, you know, I do the same thing where I just offer what it is (24:01) And it’s not like oh I am XYZ victim one, two, three.I’m go. This is what I experienced (24:08) I think this is how I react to things and I work on that daily (24:12) You know things like that. Yeah, absolutely.And that’s again (24:16) why I work with individuals and I felt called to do that on a one-to-one basis as a spiritual advisor is because (24:23) You know, I’ve been to some pretty dark places, you know, I’ve I’ve done a lot of things I’ve seen a lot of shit (24:29) I’ve experienced a good amount of stuff (24:33) but I’ve either healed it or I am in the process of healing it and I am always growing aware to the next trauma and (24:42) Because of that it allows me the perspective of I know exactly what you’re feeling and going through because I’ve done it (24:49) There is hope and a lot of this shit (24:52) I’m still fighting myself and I’m very open about that (24:55) But I do have the perspectives and the guidance that will get you to a place that’s better (24:59) 100% (25:02) Right, you’re navigating the darkness (25:04) You’re finding the light and then I go back and shine flashlights on it for others and if they feel called to do so (25:12) That’s really amazing. So how how when did you start the the journey on on the podcast itself? (25:21) A year and a half ago roughly is when I open up now you started build this (25:26) Started build this community of people and things like that. How do you? (25:32) Mainly communicate to your to your community (25:35) Do you do it through like a social media or do you do it through podcast or do you through blogger? (25:42) I guess there are variables or different different variables that play right primarily it is the podcasting (25:48) There are a handful or a good amount of you know (25:51) Instagram posts and stuff like that to stay engaged and active and (25:56) Then there’s always this push to try and do the next best thing right the next bigger thing (26:01) What can affect more? What what can we try and make change to instead of you know? (26:06) sitting on the couch and complaining and bitch about (26:08) everything is going wrong in this country and I wish they would do more for these people and this and (26:13) Like there’s be the change then right and so right I am gonna try and and do the same and eat my own medicine with (26:19) that and so (26:20) In a couple of weeks actually on the Marine Corps birthday, November 10th (26:26) Myself is hosting alongside a sound healer adagio sound healing a free veteran sound bath and (26:34) you know, we had (26:36) donate $1,000 for that we’re very close right now and (26:40) So (26:41) I guess that’s the next big thing, right? (26:44) That’s the next big conversation and the next big space (26:47) Opening and I have a very sure that link because I’ll put it in the I’ll put it in there (26:51) Maybe we can we can get some people to donate (26:54) Absolutely.I would greatly appreciate that. I’ll get that to you after (26:58) But the concepts very basic (27:00) It’s very easy and it came to me when I was sitting at ceremony in Costa Rica next to one of my friends who lives (27:06) in Washington and (27:07) We’ve seen you know, I won’t bore you with the story, but ultimately these two like little fire (27:13) There’s like two little fire specs all is what we were staring at. I’m not I’m not bored (27:18) Is this during the is this during your ceremony? It is.Yes, sir. Really and I’m not a vision (27:23) You had a shared vision. It was actually happening, but we’re okay (27:27) So like what is how like we couldn’t tell what was happening, but we were seeing the same thing.There wasn’t like crazy psychedelic (27:36) We’re laying on our backs and a top of the hut that we’re doing our medicine ceremony and there’s a big dome (27:43) And so you have exposure to the outside and so we’re sitting there and you could see some stars (27:48) But there are these two (27:49) They look like fires and we couldn’t figure out where they were coming from or if there were reflections from somewhere (27:56) But we started talking and then there was a third one in Costa Rica where we were (28:01) Like if you were to view it geographically on a map and we both just came to the same conclusion of like (28:08) every ceremony every good conversation every piece of medicine that you can offer to someone is (28:13) Igniting another fire and that fire is another space of healing (28:18) They will start to go and pass these things on because of course it’s going to affect your life. It will change your life (28:25) Yeah, and if you allow it to do so you’re gonna become an advocate for it because why wouldn’t you? (28:30) All right, you become of service (28:35) Interesting so I I don’t want to delve too personally, of course, but we started wherever you want brother. Yeah (28:42) In a general sense where there are specific incidents that you had like for example, I had a car accident at 13 (28:50) I had a near-death experience and I’m not I’m I’m happy to share that on your thing if we ever talk about it (28:56) But I had I there’s a lot of stuff.I want to share with you (28:59) It’s just I want you to share your with your time. So (29:03) So I had that for example, and I know I had some head trauma. I would assume we all have different things (29:08) I would military has a lot of TBI type stuff (29:11) Was your trauma a general pressure trauma you think from childhood or were there specific events you may have had that impacted it? (29:20) both I (29:21) have I (29:24) Have some darkness in my life up for like up until I’m like 12 years old roughly (29:28) There’s still kind of remains a good amount of darkness within there (29:32) all of the memories that I can I guess grasp within that time frame are (29:39) in the realm of like pretty negative and kind of bad and scary to (29:43) To you know (29:44) Like domestic abuse between my aunt and uncle and we had to call the police and she had a broken orbital bone and shit (29:51) You know stuff like that like so there’s very a lot of different variables (29:56) But when there’s a constant constant energy in the house in a way that went throughout your childhood (30:04) Yeah, yeah, you’re cutting out here for me just a little bit (30:12) There we go, oh no coming back there we go, okay.Okay, we’re good (30:17) All right, we’re good. Okay. So if I may would you say it was like there was a lot of (30:22) Atmospheric general energy like your whole family had that negativity to it.So you’re kind of bathing in it, too (30:27) So you’re getting that to start (30:30) Yeah, so I I never met my father (30:32) We moved to Wisconsin from California when I was one year old with my mother and my sister (30:37) we moved in with my grandparents who owned a bar and a restaurant and so I would grew up above a bar and (30:45) You know, so there comes all of those I guess possible triggering situations or trauma-inducing (30:52) Situations that come with that. Well think about how they’re feeling when they go to the bar (30:56) Like like we talk like we’re finding we talk, you know, we’re gonna talk (31:00) I was can these things these other plant medicines, but there’s that energy there (31:04) Well, imagine the like the depths of what a bar feel likes and I it’s not that a bar is negative in any way (31:11) It’s a beautiful place for a community (31:12) But in a lot of ways you got those few guys in the corner just sitting there just throwing them back (31:17) You know just like hating their life, you know, so I can only imagine some of those types of characters be in there as well (31:22) You know, yeah. Yeah, man.The story goes pretty deep. I suppose to like (31:28) Before it was a bar. It was I think like a brothel or a whorehouse back in the day, you know stuff like that (31:34) So energy stays in those places if it’s not properly cleared and I can tell you it has never been properly cleared (31:41) So you grow up with all of this stuff, you know watching parents fight (31:45) Mom has been divorced three times.I caught one of them cheating and you know (31:50) like there’s it just goes on and on and on and (31:55) I’m not saying that I have more trauma than anyone just to clarify. I’m just saying (32:00) It gives me a very broad spectrum (32:04) Everywhere I can relate to most people if you want to go down sexual assaults (32:09) You know, I have a handful of those with different individuals from my family how that has affected me my sister and my mother are (32:16) Both very narcissistic individuals and how that affects people (32:20) Right. These are (32:22) Ongoing discoveries right the boundary just got set with my family this week (32:26) That I can no longer see you guys for a little while until I can hold my own energy around you (32:30) It’s too much there for me, right? So the healing still happening (32:34) I’m still coming to these discoveries, but I don’t have an issue sharing them because it’s gonna help everyone (32:41) Everyone struggles at home man, you know, it’s all my birthday was about a month and a half ago (32:47) Birthday was about a month and a half ago.Both my parents still alive. Thank goodness. They’re amazing people (32:53) Amazing love them to death, but their stuff and I have been depressed for a month and a half (33:00) It’s just been like since they’ve been gone and it was like not a bad visit (33:04) in lieu of other visits I’ve had but (33:07) Man, it is it comes back so quickly and so easily (33:12) it does it does and (33:15) You know to jump all over like we like to do here (33:19) With the divorce I get my son every other weekend.I have a son. He’s four and a half (33:25) And I would always try and make this time and effort to go and see family (33:29) You know, I would always leave feeling shitty and just never really figure out like why? (33:34) Until very recently and it’s the energy. I’m still holding on to the traumas to the issues to the baggage (33:42) Some of orbiting them in mind (33:44) It’s not yeah, some of those don’t hold on to a large majority of it (33:49) yeah, yeah, some of it is just (33:52) It’s it’s it’s given to you and you and it you know (33:57) It can become a superpower if you allow it to be but you have to view it from that can certainly take over (34:03) Yeah, I mean you can you can mold it to fuel you or to burn you right like (34:07) There’s those are the two ways you can you can use it.So so when did you have your first ceremony? (34:14) You said what when would you like what year what age were you when it happened? Yes, so that would have been (34:20) Like three and a half years ago. I think it was roughly (34:25) May I think of 2021 (34:29) So this is very recent (34:30) Yeah, yeah, I’ve been on the journey for yeah about three and a half years, but I was sad a pretty (34:37) I’m kind of going after it because I had enough man. I was at a I was not at a good place and (34:43) Then how’d you have to take that extreme and really? (34:46) yeah, and then what happened was this shift where I (34:50) discovered that I hold all the medicine within myself to heal all these things already and (34:56) Then that’s where facilitation and other things started coming into play (34:59) I’m finding teachers to go and hold space with and holding ceremonies around, you know different locations and (35:07) Holding space for other individuals right that becomes the place of service because of the healing (35:13) Yeah.Yeah, so it’s been a (35:17) It’s been a hell of a journey so far (35:19) I’m very excited to continue doing so and I think I can honestly say I’m at the biggest (35:23) Turning point right now in the whole journey. I’ve come to one of the biggest peaks that I have come to find and (35:30) I’m excited (35:31) Excited to to face it, but it’s a big one (35:35) Yeah, beautiful and and you as you know (35:38) Because I’ve been where you are and I’ve probably reverted back to behind where you are now (35:43) Like I’ve I’ve been I’ve run the gamut of every bit of that (35:48) But (35:49) what’s interesting is you’ll come look at that and (35:53) Man, I just lost my train of thought gosh, darn it (35:56) See, that’s why it’s called tangents, man. That’ll happen (36:00) but basically you were (36:02) You you were saying? (36:04) Man, what the heck were you just talking about? (36:09) No, see that’s what happens man, see I’ve got my own medicine right here.It’s my own problem. So there you go (36:19) So you come you come you come out of the military at some point (36:23) Before you did your ayahuasca ceremonies, is that correct? You’re are you out of the military at that point? (36:28) Correct. And so there’s a whole story with that that I’ve got to learn and grow from to you know (36:33) I got a DUI towards the end of my enlistment.I went from (36:37) picking up sergeant in (36:40) four years and (36:41) Doing re-enlistment and I got my dream package and everything assigned to me and all these letters of recommendation (36:48) And then I got my DUI (36:51) That was (36:52) I (36:52) Could figure it out. It would take me a minute. It may be eight nine months prior to (36:57) When I could have left right the intention was to stay (37:01) But now I went from all of these letters of recommendation to do not recommend.I went from tier one (37:08) Automatic re-enlistment if you choose to tier four, you might be selected but probably not (37:14) You know all of these things to where I was in a way (37:16) One decision or what I’m not even one decision because it’s many because you got caught once let’s be honest (37:25) Thousand I never had a DUI (37:27) But I am NOT one to say that I never drank and drove at some point in my life (37:31) Like that is a lie if I were to say that so I can only tell you that I never got pulled over (37:37) For a DUI that is the only truth I can tell you so in one this one time you get (37:44) Was it like an innocuous issue DUI or what did something bad happen or home was like it was a (37:51) Wasn’t it? It was a stupid one. Wasn’t it good, but wild. Yeah (37:54) Right.Well, I get it. I think I have a fucking big stories man. I don’t live life.Very very mellow (38:00) I suppose and so that’s great a DUI. I went out I party for a Packer game out there (38:05) I think it was like a 10 a.m. Game because I was in San Diego doing, Wisconsin. That’s exactly right (38:10) Back and I’m not dumb enough to drive right dumb enough to drive through the gate while I’m drunk (38:18) So you park your car outside and then you walk into base.You can’t get in trouble (38:23) So I parked my car (38:24) Me and my buddy are there and we’re smoking a cigarette outside the car and it’s hot as shit and we decide (38:29) Let’s get back in the car for some AC and then I’m talking to a girl (38:35) He’s talking to a girl who are also best friends and they’re two miles away at a bar (38:40) And so they invite us and we’re like, of course, you know, of course, it’s two miles away (38:47) Yeah, so we I got the air conditioner blowing in my face. I’m (38:51) Cold. I’m ready to go.Yeah. Yeah, and (38:56) It was a brand new car I’d never made a car payment on it. I had just bought it in Wisconsin drove it all the way (39:02) there I (39:04) Think it was like a 2018 or no 2016 it would have been (39:11) Shit my brains taking a dump right now (39:15) Charger charger challenger.Nice. Yeah (39:20) Retro those retro hot cars that everybody’s got. Yeah.Yeah. Yeah (39:24) So I jumped on that train like everyone else in the military and I was just fucking tearing down this street (39:31) I think it was a 25 or 35 and I know I was going a hundred and (39:35) What it does is the road starts to climb up just a little bit and then it drops and turns and it drops (39:42) And I didn’t know and by the time we kind of got gravity to sink back in we were sliding into the turn (39:49) the last thing that either of us really remember is like hitting the curb and (39:55) Then just getting whipped around the car and then however long later, you know (39:59) The car sideways back in the middle of the road half of my engine block is missing my tires down the street a quarter mile (40:07) But neither one of us is injured and I didn’t hurt anybody. I crashed into a you’re looking at each other going (40:13) What the fuck? Yeah, so I crashed ultimately (40:16) I crashed through a power box a tree a very small tree and we hit a building (40:22) Up like a hill and then we came back down the hill and on the building (40:26) The marks were like eight and a half to nine feet up the wall (40:30) so we had climbed up the building to and came back down and (40:35) As soon as everything was like kind of, you know, literally the dust settling from the airbags.I (40:41) Look at my buddy expecting him fully to be dead, you know (40:45) and I’m just shaking and panicking and I look over and he’s awake and looks at me and I (40:51) Asked him you good brother and you know, he gives the little body check and he’s like I think so (40:56) you I was like I (40:59) Think so, and we just stared at each other for a while and I was like, oh (41:04) You’re probably shaking your adrenaline. Yeah. Oh, yeah.I was like, oh (41:09) fucked up (41:11) Bad, you know real real bad. And so that’s how I got my DUI (41:15) And because of that, yeah, that’s a that’s a good way to do it. Look if you’re gonna do it (41:19) It’s better than like I thought you’re gonna tell a story you guys were hot (41:22) You got in the car turn it on to turn the AC on the cop (41:25) flips (41:27) Total the car (41:30) Like that happened.Yeah, I went to jail for it (41:34) There’s a whole thing. Yeah, didn’t have (41:38) I’m glad knowing I’m glad everyone’s safe. I’m really sorry that happened.You clearly don’t be sorry brother (41:47) You learned it you learned from it Wow (41:50) It’s great that you can walk away that you can share that story (41:53) So that would not have been your rock bottom. Would you say that was it? That was when you? (41:59) My absolute rock bottom that I think I’ve hit was post-divorce (42:04) Because I had to look at the man that I created and the mirror that I was faced with for the last (42:11) whatever 29 year 28 29 years at that point and it wasn’t pretty and (42:20) Through the birth of my son (42:21) I felt this whole new purpose in life a purpose that I felt I lost I didn’t have anything to live for is what I (42:27) Felt and then I had my son and it was like, ah, this is what I’m here for (42:33) and then we got a divorce and (42:36) Because of you know looking back at it now, there’s more variables that play into it including, you know, not wanting (42:43) To be seen not want to like I’m creating my own traumas. I’m creating my own worst situations (42:48) I consistently have done that many times in my life and that was a situation where I did the same but it was justified a (42:55) Schedule was tight.I was still an apprentice as an electrician and so I’d have night school and stuff (43:00) And so I set the schedule that (43:03) Every other weekend, I’ll get him, you know, that’s it. That’s good. That’s all I can really manage (43:09) Otherwise, he’ll be at the babysitters, you know from 530 in the morning till maybe 930 (43:14) Right, and so and you can be honest with what’s great is you can take a step back and just be honest with yourself (43:21) About what you can honestly manage as a person and not be afraid to say this is this is what I can offer (43:29) But but if I do offer this I’m committed to this and I will give this.Yeah. Yeah, and (43:35) So because of that it left me (43:40) So alone (43:42) Purposeless, I didn’t have any goals aspirations (43:45) I had no motivation to do anything besides I would wake up drag myself out of bed go to work come home be depressed all (43:51) fucking night (43:53) Think about wow, this is my existence. Now.I get my son every other weekend (43:57) Like, you know what? I mean, and the divorce was very I guess just a hit on it was very very (44:04) It was very I can’t think of the word right now, but it was very like easy (44:08) we came to the decision another crazy story within the span of one day together and (44:14) Then the next day we addressed it and we’re like, oh shit. I typed her a letter but didn’t give it to her (44:18) He brought up the conversation. I went and printed the letter and gave it to her.I was like, okay (44:23) Now the divorce revolves around our son. How do we not affect him? (44:28) and so I (44:31) Had felt like I had this partner almost going into the divorce that was gonna like tackle things and help and all this and I was (44:37) Just left totally alone, you know, my parents didn’t offer me a place to stay when I asked no one checked on me (44:45) I didn’t ask for help from anyone, you know, just a real real dark place where like I said, it resulted in (44:52) Fuck, I don’t want to be here. You know, I would like I would rather die than do this (44:57) But I know the statistics and how that affects my son and so I refused to do so (45:02) Because his percentage goes up like 70-something percent I believe it is if it your parent kills themselves (45:10) When you have a child I can’t I wish I I can I can’t imagine (45:14) I I’ve got my own story, but I got a vasectomy voluntarily at 34.Mm-hmm. I took it off the table (45:21) With my own stuff because I didn’t think I’d be yeah, I got it my own stuff (45:25) But basically I took it off the table. So it’s like very odd and they’re like 34, you know how many kids I’m like no (45:31) And I’m like, I don’t expect to be a parent because I don’t think I’d be a good one (45:36) I just had this, you know, it’s not that I couldn’t be or whatever but like before I really tackle my own stuff (45:42) I’d already made that that decision in that way, you know, I mean, yeah.Oh, I understand it resonates entirely (45:49) I never wanted to like certainly advocate children like I advocate family and it’s like the hardest thing for me because I sound like a (45:55) Hypocrite and it’s like when I did what I did the time that I did it for me (46:01) It was the right thing, you know, what’s that would say I say or you learned (46:05) Right, or you learn right understanding and awareness of it (46:10) and (46:10) Yeah, that’s part of it too because I look back at it. I’m not a resentful single. No, no kid person (46:16) You know, I mean how people are like wouldn’t what about people without kids? How come we’re not looked at and it’s like no (46:21) Community and family should be looked at first if you’re an outlier (46:25) That’s your choice to be an outlier (46:26) Like I’m I’m allowed to be my weirdo self (46:30) Because of the stability of what like eight seventy to eighty percent of the civilization does (46:36) so to normalize what I am is (46:39) Ridiculous and that’s what I see (46:40) Like when I see ideologies playing through is like they’re normalizing what one percent of people do and that’s not stable (46:47) you know the stability really lies in the foundation of (46:51) Regardless if you want it yourself or not (46:53) But recognizing the value of the family in that way because it does sir.It’s single-handedly provides purpose. You’re living it does (47:01) one else (47:03) Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that was kind of the gift that I felt as well and then I had to continuously sit (47:11) Every single day with the fact that I set this fucking schedule that putting me in my own grave (47:18) almost literally (47:21) Again faced with the worst side of the mirror that I could think of (47:25) And this is right.You’ve already now exposed yourself with ayahuasca and and senior darkness, right? (47:30) So now you’re like you picked everything you are bleeding (47:33) I have sat with I have sat with everything for so long on my own (47:38) That is why I’ve been able to heal it and navigate it because I know it’s so well (47:43) But yeah, I was on the healing journey during that point. So I’m also an advocate for (47:49) Plant-medicine ceremonies (47:51) but I am a realist they’re not for everyone and (47:56) you have to expect or (47:58) Be okay with the unknown because a lot of people jump into these things because they hear all of the miraculous stories that happen (48:07) Because a lot of people that face the darkness afterwards aren’t comfortable sharing it or exposing it because it’s not the norm (48:13) The darkest place I’ve ever been came after my first ayahuasca ceremony and I don’t attest that to ayahuasca (48:20) That was me (48:22) Ayahuasca was able to give me the mirror to see the what I had created. It was a tool (48:26) I was actually used your openness to the experience you asking the question is (48:34) What led to the discovery the ayahuasca was a tool you used to pry open that door or to absolutely? (48:41) Yep, and I say ayahuasca is you know (48:44) It does a lot of things for many many people and it acts differently on certain individuals and their mentalities, right? (48:50) but I say primarily (48:52) Ayahuasca is a plant used for connectedness (48:56) enters understanding of energies and frequencies because that kind of intertwines itself and a tool of awareness more than anything and (49:04) That awareness can also be viewed as the mirror right because everything is a direct flexion of yourself (49:11) and (49:12) so when you come to this high level of awareness and then you’re forced to sit in the shitty puddle that you made yourself for (49:18) the last 28 years (49:20) With no one in the world.That seems like I wasn’t giving myself up to anyone to like have these conversations (49:29) Nobody, right? And so you would sit and just mope every day of like wow (49:34) I can’t believe my mom hasn’t asked how I’m doing and it’s been a year and a half (49:37) Wow, you know all this stuff and it’s like I (49:41) You’re by yourself and that’s okay (49:46) Learn from what’s happening (49:47) If you’re sad learn why you’re sad if you’re upset and angry learn why you’re upset and angry (49:53) all of these things are just emotions and then we learn to I (49:57) learn sometime it is (49:59) it is taught and learned that way, but other times it’s (50:03) You know in our (50:04) interpretation of the (50:06) Projection of an emotion and that’s how we operate. That’s when people say I’m passionate or I’m whatever (50:12) It’s like, you know, you’re highly emotional right now, which means that you’re not entirely connected to self (50:19) You’re too invested in the emotion triggered basically is what it is (50:23) Correct, and I’m not saying that I am NOT guilty of this, right? I am still addressing my show (50:28) Well, the reason you’re sharing is because you you’re you resemble that remark (50:33) It’s not like you’re devoid of it. You live you went through it like it’s you’re not sitting here as a preacher (50:40) Like Billy Graham from high atop telling you that God’s gonna absolve you their sins and that you’re evil (50:46) Um, you know this perfect preacher, you know (50:49) In the shit man, I’ve been in the shit (50:53) So like the only reason I’m able to share it is because I can share it with we could probably share the experience (51:00) Yeah.Yeah. Yeah, absolutely, brother (51:03) That’s what we do and it’s funny the in it the analogy I used for that is like the ayahuasca thing for like draw like (51:09) Anything like cannabis anything like you talk about the poker players. You only see those guys who win the World Series of poker (51:15) you don’t ever see the kid who takes his college fund and (51:20) blows it all (51:22) Chasing the poker dream (51:24) Because the percentage of winning that is such a minute you have to be such a high percentage, you know (51:29) Quality player or whatever the best of the best, you know to do that.It’s not for everyone (51:35) You can’t just sit up and go I’m gonna do this because like this is my thing and that’s actually held me back (51:40) I’ve I’ve looked into (51:43) Ceremonies in in Costa Rica Rhythmia and a couple other places and I fear it because of what I’ve other other experience that I’ve had (51:50) Hope you know, I’m sure we’ll share some other point but but yeah, it’s like I I don’t know so (51:57) your darkness I (52:00) The mirror in a general term without obviously getting too specific your first glimpse at yourself (52:10) Did you did you see more of the dimensional type stuff or the (52:15) Shapes or did you get more of the voices and the people talking like wow, how how would you explain your first first? (52:22) I was a (52:22) Experiencer sign. Yeah, the one that actually the one that really opened that for you (52:30) Yeah, so I will say I’m not much of a visual (52:34) Individual I don’t it takes a good amount of medicine for me to actually get very good visuals and what I mean very good (52:40) It’s not like I just feel like I’m in like Avatar kind of and I can see some energies (52:46) And sometimes my vision is broke over the couple of years right where I’ll see like auric fields and energy (52:54) Energy blockages things like that ever but it’s not all the time (52:57) but for that first experience, oh (53:01) Man let’s see. I (53:05) Went in in that, you know, I already felt very alone.I was just in a marriage, right? (53:11) and so I went there kind of in hopes to fix my my relationship and what happened was I figured out (53:19) everything is connected and (53:22) that there are special connections that you can make with other people and (53:27) It was an energy that I felt I had either already dismantled or could never recreate within the marriage (53:33) So that was a pretty quick realization (53:36) some of the (53:38) If I may you feel you felt that your marriage relationship that connection had severed and (53:45) Was irreparable. Is that what you’re you’re saying? (53:47) I would have given it effort, but the thought was I think I’ve already burned the bridge and by that’s what you’re saying (53:54) You’re just saying you know, you know, it’s just in a perspective (53:57) Right, and once again that didn’t mean you’re gonna act on anything (54:00) But you basically saw that in this in this feeling in this thing is you saw that (54:05) Connection to your wife (54:08) irreparably severed from your perspective (54:11) Correct, and I could feel it with somebody else in the space (54:16) another guy and another girl where it was like I (54:20) Love I love people so much. I love all of these people (54:25) more than my own wife (54:27) So that’s why I came back with that perspective of trying to build and reconnect that but the thought had already happened of it’s it’s (54:35) Kind of separate already.Let’s be realistic (54:38) Yeah, like you’re looking at yourself in the mirror. Would you stay with you? (54:43) Fuck no (54:44) Okay, well then you can’t be upset about it, you know (54:48) The experience overall for me was a very good it was a hard mirror I (55:01) Had seen a lot of the damage I’ve done it opened up a lot of the bags that I had locked away and kept closed (55:07) it gave me a new level of awareness and (55:11) Understanding of what the fuck is happening out here as opposed to going into that emotional place and (55:18) Just like literally asking like what the fuck just happened after I would get so angry and burn every bridge (55:24) I was I’ve ever created and then I would settle and it’s like what just happened (55:28) Oh, you give all of your power away to that (55:33) So the anger and to the rage because that’s what you grew up with (55:36) So that’s my like I guess quote-unquote specialty is anger and rage (55:40) Because I have it just kind of stripped your ego away in a way to just say it’s not about that (55:46) It’s about solving the problem not how you’re how you’re reacting to the problem (55:51) You know not even solving the problem because solving a problem has expectation and you shouldn’t be putting (55:58) expectations on things right because then it creates this level of (56:03) Living in the future and the present and you’re pulled out of your present moment. So anytime we’re realizing (56:10) Yeah, yeah realizing then that you’re in that that emotional state not in a logical reason state that can work that out (56:18) Yeah (56:18) and so it started to give me a perspective on all of these things at a very minute level because there was so much to (56:25) understand and take in it was almost very overwhelming and (56:32) It also (56:34) Had opened it ultimately introduced me like I had mentioned earlier to that level of vulnerability (56:39) I had never ever seen in my life never once and I just haven’t ever seen it (56:45) And so I show up to this space where everyone can talk about anything and it’s totally fine (56:50) It’s like I’m the only one that’s sitting here judging everyone (56:54) The emails that were happening before people were signing them off.I’m starting to remember pieces signing off like (57:02) They them or and all that stuff where I was like, I (57:07) Don’t want to fucking hang out with these people for a weekend. You know, I can’t do that (57:11) And then that’s a really awesome point that specific point makes total sense in today’s like just world (57:20) My my mom was driving through the neighborhood and she’d see like they’re a little more conservative (57:25) But it’s like Trump Trump Trump Harris Trump Trump Harris (57:29) Trump (57:30) Something like that and she she drives she’s like I can’t even be neighbors with someone who would have a you know (57:37) An X sign in front of their house and you’re like and she caught that in her own head (57:41) It’s like that’s where we’re at nowadays people used to break bread and be complete have completely different ideologies (57:47) But it didn’t matter but they’ve made them (57:51) Important even though they don’t matter (57:52) They’ve made them important in some weird way and they’ve used that weaponized that against ourselves and we’re like (57:58) It’s so weird that we see a they them or like instantly think oh god, I gotta hang out with this person (58:05) yeah, I was (58:07) then you meet them and (58:08) Yeah, I get it (58:11) Kind of went in going right? That’s what you didn’t see kind of feeling (58:15) So I went to a very small place, right? It’s held ultimately at someone’s house. It’s a very beautiful house, but at someone’s house and (58:23) It’s this community I’ve never seen or even heard about like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing (58:27) I just know I’m feeling called to do ayahuasca for about a year and a half and (58:32) Now I just happen to be going through some shit.That’s making me kind of see it as a compelling opening or a way and (58:42) I (58:42) had a (58:44) Relative go and sit at that place that had just recently returned and talked about it and then connected me where I was like (58:51) We’re doing this, you know (58:52) But you show up there and no one greets no one greeted me at the door (58:57) no one was at the house and (58:59) I was just like went in and sat down on a couch and pulled out my sudoku book and just sat there by myself and (59:04) Like didn’t want to go around the house. I didn’t want to do anything (59:08) you know, I was very just like right into my own bubble and (59:13) Eventually people start coming and going a little bit and I’m like, yeah, how’s it going? (59:17) You know like right back to my book. I don’t even want to talk to anyone.I don’t know what to talk to you guys about (59:22) That’s how it felt you wouldn’t fucking understand anything (59:25) I’m trying to go through or deal with is what it continuously felt like and then I remember this dude showed up there walked (59:32) walked up to me Steve and (59:36) He was like, what’s up brother, how’s it going? I was like, hey, how’s it going man? (59:41) And he was like, he just stared at me for a minute and smiled (59:45) He’s like you military. It’s like yeah (59:48) He goes you think this is all hippie dippy bullshit (59:51) Said kind of and then he just laughed and I was like, okay (59:55) We’ll see and then he sat with me and we just talked and connected and opened up come to find out the I guess (1:00:02) host of the space the facilitator the shaman (1:00:05) Invited him to be a military brother next to me because I wasn’t going to break (1:00:11) Otherwise, I wouldn’t have put my guard down enough to open up to any of this because shields were fucking up (1:00:17) And then the big (1:00:18) Value and that’s not a criticism. That’s just an observation man.It’s not oh just shut off to the world, man (1:00:25) I don’t fucking care about any of you. That’s how that’s how I went into it and then I left (1:00:33) Realizing that I just (1:00:35) Answer everything with anger and rage so it opened the doorway to different means of communication to put the sword away (1:00:42) Right, it’s okay to not have to cut everyone’s head off because of my bullshit that I’m going through and (1:00:50) Yeah, it is wild man. Yeah, I remember sitting down and (1:00:55) Again, this is where I was at going into it.I sat down next to a homosexual man (1:01:02) Pretty flamboyant, you know, and I fucking wasn’t about that (1:01:07) Was like, oh, of course, they got me sitting next to this fucking guy, right like (1:01:15) The first ceremony the first one (1:01:20) Imagine you are like this ball of rage already going in you’re just trying to get answers (1:01:24) You’re like, are we there yet? Are we there yet? And then this other guy who derails you from this six inches away from my (1:01:32) Away from my yoga mat is where he is (1:01:34) And I remember he starts like I get in tongues and shit (1:01:38) And I would just the whole time like get pulled out of ceremony and look over like this fucking asshole (1:01:45) Until eventually I went deep enough into the medicine to realize. Oh (1:01:50) Fuck he’s going through a hard time and I can feel it (1:01:53) I can feel what he’s working through right now and it’s the shit that I’m judging him for right now. It’s the same thing (1:02:00) And now I got to sit with that and I sent him nothing but love (1:02:06) What would you say (1:02:08) What do you mean? (1:02:09) You know what the feeling what do you know what the feeling was and if you could describe it it you might not be (1:02:13) Able to do so.I was just curious. The feeling is he’s a homosexual man in (1:02:17) 2022 not seen understood everyone’s judging him including the guy that’s six inches away from him (1:02:23) I want nothing to do with this guy going into ceremony until I can feel what’s happening (1:02:28) When we we finished ceremony, I gave him a hug. I told him I loved him (1:02:32) He was my brother to call at any time and I will help you navigate whatever to the best of my ability (1:02:37) you know and (1:02:39) That was the most open I’d ever been with anyone in my whole life by (1:02:45) Such a magnitude I can’t even barely describe I (1:02:49) Can’t really describe (1:02:51) And and I do know that ayahuasca is a tool I get that (1:02:54) But this is where I think you and I need to talk about cuz like we’re we probably were lucky that we were able to (1:03:02) Do it and take a chance not everybody gets that but like that you did it (1:03:06) Speaks to the strength of you like you sought (1:03:10) the help like you had your you had your (1:03:14) bottom or whatever you deemed a moment that you felt I need this is my change moment or I’m done moment and (1:03:21) You went all in with that and there’s a lot of bravery in that and that is speaking to your bravery (1:03:28) But it also speaks like you and I I think we’re pretty general average Joe people (1:03:34) It speaks that you can do it that average general people can (1:03:39) Push themselves to things and to limits that they don’t even know they are capable of did you cut out there? (1:03:56) I think I lost you get up.There we go (1:03:58) Right when I was talking good man (1:04:03) Man I got to say that again, but (1:04:07) Basically is like the the strength and the bravery that it takes for someone to go through (1:04:12) That to stare themselves in the mirror in such a bad way (1:04:17) Once you see the negative in you it is hard to already because you already don’t like yourself going in (1:04:24) Because you’re culturally kind of probably curated to not like yourself now (1:04:28) You actually know why you know what the problem is and you still don’t have a solution yet (1:04:33) You’re just now exposed to it. So you’re in this really vulnerable position now where you have everything going out, but (1:04:41) You and I are average Joe’s we still did it and I always it would encourage if someone asks (1:04:46) Hey, I’m thinking about going to talk to someone like do it do it (1:04:51) Just that you’re asking tells you that you’re seeking and you’ll find something because you’re asking you can’t be forced to do it (1:04:58) You can’t be forced that you have to willingly (1:05:01) And that’s really a lot of this tour (1:05:05) Yeah. Yeah, that’s the whole set and setting and being called right you’re being called into the medicine space (1:05:11) So that’s the question they call it explain the calling (1:05:14) How did you you got literally got a message to do this or how did this? (1:05:20) Calling happen I will say (1:05:25) When’s the first time I heard about it? I (1:05:28) Think it was like a podcast (1:05:30) Rogan or something one of those guys, right a pretty (1:05:34) Mainstream one and I didn’t think anything of it.I thought again. It was kind of hippie dippy like a bunch of pussies kind of (1:05:41) right and (1:05:42) that’s not the case and then (1:05:47) After that like after I gave it a little bit of attention it always came up it would come up in random conversations (1:05:53) it would come up on like my Instagram and like different retreats and like Rhythmia and these these different things and then I would (1:06:00) Hear about stories of people that just want to go and do this that are like very distant (1:06:05) Like I don’t even barely know who them anymore, but I’m still hearing for whatever reason that they’re doing this (1:06:11) Like it’s like why the fuck would I need to know that information, but it kept coming up kept coming up until (1:06:18) Ultimately what you were talking about right is I (1:06:21) Got to a point. I’ve been in this point many times where I’d had enough (1:06:28) I’d have enough of my own bullshit (1:06:29) I’d have enough of life of why the fuck is everything seemed like it’s out to get me (1:06:34) Why am I so angry and aggressive? I can’t figure this place out.I don’t understand it (1:06:40) I don’t even know what the fuck’s happening. I (1:06:44) Need help and (1:06:46) That was the call that was where I was like, okay (1:06:48) And then like I said, I had a relative that came back from a retreat and up until that retreat (1:06:54) They had been kind of secluded to the family. They were (1:06:58) Everyone tried to help you couldn’t see that now you’re just off by yourself (1:07:02) Well, it turns out that person disappeared to do ayahuasca and then resurfaced to the family with this whole different perspective and energy (1:07:10) inside (1:07:11) That was welcome back in with love and all this stuff (1:07:14) And so I got to see that in real time as well.Well, I can feel or see myself (1:07:19) slowly diminishing continuously lining (1:07:22) Yeah, so you’re watching a beautiful growth (1:07:25) this growth and blossoming of this blossoming of this new relationship with this relative as (1:07:31) Yours is like withering and kind of falling off the like off the stem (1:07:36) Yeah, and come to find out I mean looking back at it right it was all because of me (1:07:40) It’s the same cycle that I have continued to run up until very recently (1:07:46) Which is things get too close. They get too hard and challenging and Johnny needs to be alone and by himself (1:07:51) But that’s not the truth (1:07:54) But you want to keep feeding the story. So that’s what the story I was feeding at that time.And yeah (1:08:01) It’s a great that you’ve gotten to the realization (1:08:04) I mean, it’s so challenging to find you don’t need to find an answer. Let alone to ask the question (1:08:10) Yeah, and I guess to go off of what you were saying before about that is (1:08:18) Right. You’re utilizing these things as tools because they are (1:08:22) sometimes the tools gonna give you a mirror or something that is so big and scary for you to see that you’ll shut yourself off to (1:08:29) it or (1:08:32) Right, you you you do see it and then you get sent back home after retreat and you didn’t do much healing (1:08:39) But you’ve seen a lot of shit (1:08:41) Now you are stuck in this space where you are aware of everything with no outlet no answers (1:08:47) No teachers or guides to help you.That is why I am one of the biggest advocates about the integration process (1:08:55) How key and important that time is because my first integration I went through a divorce the week after I got home (1:09:02) And then went into the worst place I’d ever been. That’s how I integrated. That’s where I put myself and (1:09:08) then I would say a ceremony six months after six months after six months after and (1:09:13) Within that time being called the psilocybin and holding those spaces and ceremonies for myself (1:09:18) And you know lots and lots of journeys and work (1:09:22) All over the place with all sorts of individuals to get to where I am at this point (1:09:27) And it’s just an amazing story journey and everything so (1:09:32) ayahuasca psilocybin (1:09:34) cannabis (1:09:36) Well any other? (1:09:38) MDMA (1:09:40) And LSD are there (1:09:49) So LSD is there any of that in a pure (1:09:54) 60 cents anymore because I used I heard that the original (1:10:00) Like formulation just was a pure thing and it’s that I cannot (1:10:06) Confirm entirely.I was dating a girl at the time and (1:10:10) She had flown in and brought that with I believe I mean it was we were told it was pure right like you always are (1:10:16) But it felt very clean. It was an (1:10:19) incredible experience again, very eye-opening and awakening, but (1:10:23) Yeah, I guess ultimately just to break it down a little I’ve sat with ayahuasca maybe ten times (1:10:29) Some of those being like two or three times in a retreat which is ten days long in Costa Rica, right? (1:10:35) You do it like three times over a ten day. Yeah, so I’ve done two ceremonies in Costa Rica and two ceremonies here in the States (1:10:43) I have sat with mushrooms (1:10:45) At a (1:10:48) Ceremonial only setting myself holding space for only me (1:10:53) Roughly 30 times over the course of these last few years (1:10:57) I’ve sat with MDMA (1:10:59) four times maybe and (1:11:02) I work with cannabis and grandfather tobacco daily (1:11:06) I’ve also worked with peyote and Hachuma (1:11:10) the cactuses and then other types of you know, like (1:11:17) Not such a sacred medicine that takes you so far.Yeah, like working with (1:11:21) Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely (1:11:25) Hape things like that. Nanga those types of things (1:11:30) So you integrate obviously the chemical side with the actual? (1:11:35) Psychological side if you will it’s because you realize it’s not like just finding (1:11:41) Answers, but how to process solutions to those (1:11:45) Answers that you find in yourself. Yeah, because a lot of the medicines that we’re talking about including (1:11:51) psilocybin at (1:11:52) Like anything over I would say like two and a half to three grams depending on who you are (1:11:56) Anything over like one cup of ayahuasca sometimes a hat over half a cup.You’re gonna start to go to places that are (1:12:05) Like you said you become aware of things, but you don’t get answers there all the time (1:12:09) It takes a lot of attention and figuring out what the message was behind (1:12:13) Seeing a raven fly into the house and do it loop around us land on the windowsill and fly out (1:12:19) Right. It’s just a fucking bird and it’s like no no, no (1:12:22) No, there’s a message in there if you can find one (1:12:25) but the time that you have to spend doing that is all through the integration and it I (1:12:30) Find it you have that (1:12:32) What’s that? (1:12:34) Did you have the raven? I? (1:12:36) Did in my first sitting what is the rate? (1:12:39) Could you explain the raven and I’m I’ll have to explain it to you. Maybe I’ll I’d love to hear that so (1:12:48) for me (1:12:50) it was (1:12:53) Where I haven’t dug into this sense almost so let me sit with it for a moment here.That’s a beautiful. No, that’s cool (1:12:59) That’s the beauty of this (1:13:02) Because it came right when I was getting frustrated at that guy and it felt like it was a messenger that brought in my (1:13:08) Spirit almost like I had been reconnected to spirit through that like it was a delivery (1:13:14) and that it was a sign that there is (1:13:18) That there is more (1:13:19) You know what? (1:13:20) I mean like you’re on the right path to these things continue to seek knowledge and wisdom and these are your Ravens (1:13:26) and they fly out and they circle you and they drop you with this message of (1:13:31) Fuck I can feel what this dudes going through next to me. I can feel everyone in this room.I can feel myself more importantly (1:13:38) right (1:13:40) Yeah, well the the reason I mentioned the Raven (1:13:46) I’ve done meditations and things. I’ve never done ayahuasca MDMA anything cannabis is (1:13:52) Very regular. I do not drink (1:13:54) Because drinking does bring out the darkest I found drinking just drinking is the fucking demon (1:14:00) It’s like you want to talk spirits is reason it’s called spirits.Those spirits are good or bad (1:14:05) There’s like no in-between either got happy people who drink or you got just an absolute evil and I am (1:14:11) Absolute evil when I go over a line. I just I see nothing but darkness. I (1:14:18) understand anyways (1:14:21) But (1:14:23) I’m sure I’ll share with you later, but I have visions (1:14:26) Okay, and during a meditation a raven came to me and I’ll share it with you offline (1:14:31) So I was curious (1:14:32) what you delved into what the Raven meant to you because it sounds like it might be very simple like as a messenger because it (1:14:40) sent me a (1:14:41) freaking message and I’m happy to share with you like I said (1:14:44) I don’t try to mention myself all the time because like it’s this podcast if I’m not gonna be like hey (1:14:49) I did this because whoever listens to this anytime more than twice is gonna hear the same stories and it’s like I’m not doing that (1:14:54) So yeah, but yeah, yeah.Yeah, it’s interesting the Raven though. The Ravens are really interesting. So that’s my interpretation, right? (1:15:01) That’s everyone’s gonna have their own.Yeah, there are like (1:15:05) If you were to look into that deeper, right? I got the message for that’s that’s what it was for me (1:15:11) So that’s it right end of story and so it is (1:15:14) but looking into that right the (1:15:17) Spiritual meaning behind a Raven what could happen when one is in your presence if it was doing certain flight patterns (1:15:23) There are these different breakdowns of all of that (1:15:26) There are people one of my friends being kind of that individual that would be able to tell you more so I could connect you (1:15:33) With him if you wanted to really dig into the Raven and all of that (1:15:37) Yeah. Yeah, like I mean, I’m I’m very happy to share my stories (1:15:42) they are ridiculously crazy and they’re without chemical assistance and (1:15:47) Yeah, I just like I said because this is your you’re here. I don’t want to bore everyone who’s heard him before (1:15:56) It’s like oh like I will say I will say I I listen to almost every single one of Rogan’s (1:16:01) But sometimes those stories get just repetitive and if you look at two or three in a row (1:16:05) You’re like I heard that story man, and and even he apologizes for it, you know, but what’s he gonna do? (1:16:10) He’s connected with the person he’s talking to for the first time, you know, it’s really hard for him to not be repetitive (1:16:16) So it’s like something I’m just conscious of so but yeah (1:16:19) That’s interesting the Raven piece though because I always saw it like as a wisdom piece (1:16:22) To your point the messenger because it’s got that smart, you know that there’s like a hierarchy of a (1:16:29) Flight I think Ravens are at one of the higher ends of that of the hierarchy on the on that (1:16:34) Yeah, they’re they’re like one of the top birds.There is like they’ll attack eagles and shit. I recently found that out (1:16:41) That’s pretty wild. Oh crazy (1:16:43) I’ve seen something like crows and stuff where they literally put they use a fake (1:16:47) Archimedes principle and they put pebbles and water and puddles to like make it go higher so that they can drink from it (1:16:53) And you’re just like (1:16:57) Like you figure that shit out cuz that’s that’s not right that ain’t instinct (1:17:00) You know what? I mean? Like you figure your churn that in your head somewhere like that you work that out.Yeah (1:17:06) That ain’t in your DNA, you know (1:17:09) Yeah, once well once you do it it gets in there, but it’s like somewhere along the line that had to get true (1:17:14) I mean imagine if they were still dinosaurs man, we’d still be little muskrats (1:17:25) All right, man, we are we’re now over an hour in I love this stories (1:17:30) Is there any a topic or anything you want to share with people or any story you’d love to share with us about? (1:17:35) Something specific before you came on you might have made a list or anything, but I didn’t do anything my friend (1:17:41) I try not to prepare too much because of that. I don’t either because I like getting it’s this (1:17:46) I like it’s kind of funny because we were talking about it. We’ve never met but it’s the how you can only get one first conversation (1:17:53) That’s right (1:17:53) I always like I always like the first conversation to be fresh because it’s like hit record and go (1:17:58) Because you’ll never know what you know, like I said what comes out a lot of good shit comes out in those pre (1:18:04) conversation conversations right there pre episode conversations, unfortunately (1:18:09) They do and that’s why you just have to hit record just be done with it (1:18:12) You know what? I mean? You never know if you can integrate those back in.So yeah, absolutely. I guess I (1:18:19) don’t know the only topic that I’m thinking about really is just awareness and the I guess the (1:18:27) strength or power of belief (1:18:30) And those are like two things that have just been screaming through (1:18:34) For the last couple of weeks while I’ve been navigating some pretty challenging things because you choose to believe (1:18:40) What you choose to believe creates your reality (1:18:44) And I have consistently chosen (1:18:47) Like negative feedback loops over the past and stuff and I feel them resurfacing and so it’s taking a lot of effort (1:18:53) To have those books get pulled off the shelf read and then decide what is what are we really gonna do with them right now? (1:19:00) Because you’re at a very I guess vulnerable point in my life where you can keep reading those same stories (1:19:07) Or we can burn the fucking books and go into the unknown and we can write our own story (1:19:11) There’s a lot of fear associated with that now (1:19:14) It’s not something I can openly sit here and be like, I’m scared to fall in love. I’m scared to do this, right? (1:19:20) None of that is truth.I’ve (1:19:22) Created the belief of fear around things that are in obtainable (1:19:27) Or unobtainable quote-unquote in my life, which isn’t the truth either (1:19:32) So I’m choosing to seek truth because in this way when you say that if I may I would say (1:19:37) Psychologically you feel unworthy of those things (1:19:40) Right in some weird way in your head somewhere. You’re unworthy (1:19:44) Therefore you they’re out of your reach in a almost realistic way and then you make them out of reach (1:19:50) Correct. It’s not necessarily a feeling of unworthy.I feel very worthy of them (1:19:54) But what happens is when it actually starts to happen, right? (1:19:58) You start to be vulnerable with the person that you love or (1:20:00) Opening in your relationships or your families or you have a child and it introduces this new level of mirror kind of (1:20:09) you’re faced with the (1:20:12) The stories or (1:20:15) the truth and (1:20:16) We oftentimes take the stories because that’s comfortable and we may not even know what the truth is (1:20:21) And that’s where the awareness comes in (1:20:24) That’s where I like to work with people is building the awareness because without the awareness you cannot address anything (1:20:30) You don’t even know there’s an issue. But once you build the awareness then it’s all about belief (1:20:36) But it’s believing in the truth and the truth is not always the best thing for you to see if fucking (1:20:41) Hurts like hell a lot of times (1:20:44) So for I was looking at like a piece of clay. Oh good (1:20:48) Yep, I was just gonna say I guess to what I tend to have done in the past and I’m very aware of now is (1:20:56) What many people do and it is creating your own reality.I don’t think I’m this good. I don’t think these things (1:21:03) I have issues with self-worth and this and that and then we feed into them and then by feeding into those it creates the same (1:21:11) Loop and we find ourselves. Why do I keep dating these pieces shit guys that treat me bad? (1:21:17) Change the energy that you are putting yourself into change the energy that you are seeking change something (1:21:24) You’re aware, but your awareness is getting you to a level that you choose to not believe (1:21:31) What you’re doing is believing in the fear.I piggyback on more than the truth. I piggyback on that real quick (1:21:36) yeah, yeah, and if and if I may if I may piggyback on that is like this a (1:21:41) Baseball player doesn’t go up to the plate and say don’t strike out (1:21:47) They say hit (1:21:48) They say hit like when I think we look at relationships as things. We’re trying to avoid getting into (1:21:57) So a lot of times is like I don’t want a short person.I don’t want to mean person (1:22:01) so they start saying the things they don’t want versus actually seeking what they want and (1:22:08) When they focus on whether it’s a no in front of it. They focus on whatever they wrote down (1:22:14) So even if they say I don’t want X Y & Z they focus on those things (1:22:19) It’s like people who go on diets who gain weight (1:22:22) Yeah, because yeah, I mean (1:22:24) In the wrong way, they just have to shift the way they’re looking toward the positive things they see (1:22:31) correct putting emphasis and an (1:22:34) Explanation at the end of the what were your desiring and trying to therefore manifest and create? (1:22:40) But I will say I am an advocate of writing things that you don’t want but not to hyper focus on them (1:22:48) It’s a level of awareness (1:22:49) You are seeing that limit out now, right? Yes, so you have these these parameters now (1:22:55) I am NOT an advocate of fucking they must be between five foot one and five foot two and a half and the hundred and (1:23:01) Three pounds. It’s like no.No, what are you looking at emotionally? (1:23:06) Spiritually, what are you looking at? You know, of course you want a dime piece everyone does okay. We’ll be realistic (1:23:13) Okay, it’s okay to shoot for the stars and have high aspirations, but don’t treat everyone else like an asshole them (1:23:19) you know, there’s all these little things but ultimately it comes down to building awareness and (1:23:25) Then choosing to believe in what you want to create as opposed to the belief in the fear that we like to operate out (1:23:31) of so often (1:23:32) Yeah, two things about that so the the awareness part (1:23:37) I always use it like a piece of clay like the clay is their subconscious the awareness is taking whatever the shape it currently is and (1:23:45) Take pulling it out and then looking at it and going is that shape fitting my life (1:23:51) It clearly isn’t shaped, right? (1:23:54) Then you have to be aware to be able to then believe you can mold that into the right shape and then get it back (1:24:00) in there so that you can now because until you do bring it to your consciousness and that’s your awareness that you’re talking about that (1:24:07) Subconscious will rule you it it will make you do bad things to stay in control. It doesn’t understand (1:24:16) Good and bad to you.It just understands keeping you alive and even at the base level (1:24:21) You know (1:24:22) That’s that base survival level and that’s the misery that we I think you and I probably have experienced in our lives at some point (1:24:28) that we felt (1:24:30) The need to get better or to improve from that. Yeah, it’s very attached to the root chakra (1:24:38) Yeah, and then the second thing about belief the Henry Ford thing was always like whether you believe you can or can’t you’re right? (1:24:45) And that’s exactly what you’re saying (1:24:47) Is you put them belief in whatever the energy is that you will succeed or not and that’s we self-sabotage all the time (1:24:55) Yeah, why we do it’s different but we do it all the time and then some people don’t it’s as simple as that (1:25:01) Yeah one thing out (1:25:03) Let’s see where we go with this one (1:25:07) one (1:25:08) Will shake things up a little bit here one thing (1:25:12) Talk about with individuals. It’s more of a private conversation.Oftentimes it happens on the podcast occasionally as well though is (1:25:20) You know the perspective on like religious belief versus this belief and what is all of this (1:25:27) And what I mean by that is I am a massive advocate (1:25:31) I just label it a spirituality, but it’s that’s I couldn’t tell you a definition of what spirituality is (1:25:36) But I believe we all fucking feel the same way about everything (1:25:44) your God could be Allah or Buddha or Shiva or (1:25:48) whoever (1:25:49) But it’s all energy and when you can view the world from energy it becomes very simple (1:25:55) well, very complex, but also very simple we like to overcomplicate things and (1:26:04) So what I have been recently challenging some of my friends that are you know? (1:26:08) Very religious to some aspect or very like deep within belief, but it’s always (1:26:14) Giving to somebody of higher power (1:26:18) So what I asked them to do is for just one time one prayer (1:26:22) That they do is to put the belief back into themselves (1:26:26) And that is not to discredit anyone or not give power to Allah or Buddha or whoever (1:26:33) But isn’t the essence and the goal isn’t the belief and I am not very dialed into all of this (1:26:38) But that we are all pieces of God right like we are all God and so if we’re a vision of God or we’re built (1:26:45) We’re made in the (1:26:47) Shape of God or whatever. Yeah (1:26:49) Vision of God and because that is and empowering yourself and bettering yourself is what good is (1:26:55) Where do you think God comes from God is the act of good in each situation that is truly what God is and I’m it’s (1:27:03) Such a nuanced thing that you come across that I that makes it when you start personifying it and making it a being and all (1:27:10) That it muddies all the water (1:27:13) It has to be it’s such it doesn’t give not a thing (1:27:17) It doesn’t give enough credit. It gives it to to one being to one thing (1:27:23) But if we as the masses create what that is (1:27:26) Then putting energy back into self creates a level of self-worth that you wouldn’t attain.Otherwise (1:27:33) Now I believe that belief in the power of belief like we can still both go get touchdowns (1:27:40) But doing it through yourself is gonna feel a lot better throughout the process (1:27:45) Because you will learn to be grateful and give love to all things as opposed to you play a mild level of victimhood (1:27:53) Until eventually you have such a belief in something else that it has saved you (1:27:58) Think about saving yourself (1:28:00) Imagine the power in that think of the work that you’re doing people aren’t giving this to you (1:28:05) Nothing. No one’s coming down to help you besides yourself. You’re reconnecting to self (1:28:11) right, there’s a reason we got connected man for real just because just some of the some of the words resonate very strongly because (1:28:18) I’m not I (1:28:21) Am NOT atheist (1:28:23) But I am anti theist (1:28:26) And when I what I mean by that is like the human (1:28:29) I know I don’t know what it is with what I’ve experienced.Like I said, we’ll talk sometime about what I’ve experienced (1:28:35) But I don’t know what it is. But what I do know is that we don’t have it, right and (1:28:41) to have a middle person and some kind of (1:28:45) Like handing out of religion of some sort just seems such a dirty way to do it (1:28:51) It has to be direct in some whatever way that is (1:28:55) And whatever that and I’m not even talking about a thing a higher power (1:28:58) I’m just talking about however, you feel that (1:29:01) Belief has to be direct and that has to go through you in some way more than more than any of you’re the antenna (1:29:08) You’re your own conduit like you can’t hold on to someone else and get somewhere. You know what I mean? Like (1:29:16) It is through you ultimately right like in that way (1:29:18) And that is not to disparage faith not to disparage belief or any of that stuff all those things have value in their own ways (1:29:25) But to look at it in that kind of smaller way (1:29:30) Which unfortunately humans some many don’t have that capacity to understand the nuance of God (1:29:37) In the way, it’s kind of designed I think you know (1:29:40) They think it’s like and on top of that to your point.We’re all connected to make it (1:29:45) I don’t know if you’ve ever spoken with Bobby is arian, but I had like a two-hour podcast with him and he’s brilliant (1:29:51) He wrote a book romance of reality and he did a couple hours with Rogan, too (1:29:56) and (1:29:57) He speaks of consciousness being the actually an emergent property (1:30:01) He and I are of this kind of I don’t I don’t wanna say beliefs (1:30:04) But it’s like ideas cuz like to me belief to you is where the concrete happens (1:30:09) like I’ve always said beliefs are dangerous outside of yourself because like you start believing in something and if anyone someone attacks that thing you (1:30:17) Feel like it’s attack on you. So you take it personally (1:30:19) So I like to say I have ideas and thoughts but but I understand what you mean by belief (1:30:25) You mean it in a like in a power an empowerment kind of way, but listening to Bobby talk back to self (1:30:32) right, absolutely and listening to Bobby talks like you and I is that if (1:30:37) We are the creators of this then God that that top piece is actually at some point the universal (1:30:44) consciousness that we ultimately create as we became conscious and then evolved and then so it I (1:30:51) Don’t see it top-down. I actually do see it similar to way you’re describing like bottom-up now (1:30:57) I don’t know if that’s how you believe it or any see it (1:31:01) But that’s how I kind of felt you describe it.So it’s kind of interesting that you said it that way (1:31:06) Yeah. Yeah, I guess what I’m saying is everything is connected and through the connection of everything creates what we (1:31:13) Interpret as this one pinnacle of something when we are that’s not that’s just not the truth (1:31:20) I’ve seen way too much shit to realize that ain’t the truth. That’s right.Exactly, right? (1:31:25) There’s some kind of weird interpretation that we got going on here. That’s not right. It’s just not how this place is is working actually (1:31:32) yeah, I definitely do need to talk with you offline about all that stuff just because I’ve had that other stuff, but (1:31:40) So this is this has been so enlightening man.So, how do you how do you get if I may? (1:31:44) How do you get your guests or how do you come across them? (1:31:46) How do you find the people who are willing to share that stuff do they do they contact you or (1:31:53) I’m trying to think I have had almost nobody contact me to come on (1:31:57) I have either reached out randomly by seeing people’s posts or something on Instagram or connecting at (1:32:05) You know a health and wellness fairs or something like that where I’m just out and about or I meet some beekeeper (1:32:12) that’s like just knows his shit and it’s like (1:32:14) Come talk to me about that stuff, you know, like give me your give me your business card (1:32:18) It’s like I just want to know (1:32:20) intro whatever I find interesting is who I can have on but the goal right is if I can keep it as (1:32:29) Oriented towards healing modalities and what can be offered and then with that the journeys and experiences of individuals (1:32:36) And so that’s the other piece is people that I just find very interesting or I can feel that energetic connection (1:32:42) where (1:32:44) Either I know you’ve been through some shit or you know something (1:32:49) whatever that is I would love to hear how you got to that point because I’m curious to know what it is how you got (1:32:55) there and then (1:32:57) Maybe other people are gonna learn as well. You can learn anything from anyone if you choose to hear it in that spotlight (1:33:04) Right. So bringing these people on to come and talk about like most of the guests I talk (1:33:08) I’m just going on a tangent most of the people I talk to you.Oh reach out (1:33:12) Please I’m I have nothing to say (1:33:15) I’m just a normal dude until you sit down on the podcast and you share something that you thought you were gonna die with and (1:33:20) Never share to even your like spouse or anything (1:33:25) Everyone has an entertaining story (1:33:27) Give yourself some credit. This place is fun. It’s cool.It’s exciting. It should be this realm (1:33:33) We should be enjoying this but you can’t enjoy it if we want to keep feeling like we are all individuals on our own fucking path (1:33:43) Disconnected from one another therefore we have to battle. I (1:33:47) Don’t care to battle anyone over anything.I’ll talk to you about whatever you want (1:33:50) Maybe you’ll change my opinions, you know, but that’s for me to decide it’s you know, I don’t (1:33:57) we like again, we over complicate so much and I (1:34:01) Don’t know (1:34:02) Ultimately, I guess no reaching out to people (1:34:06) There it is. So do you find do you find a lot of people receptive to it? (1:34:10) I mean, how many people would you how many podcasts would you say you had maybe in? (1:34:15) I’ve done whatever (1:34:17) 75 or 76 of them. I did take a one one (1:34:21) Yeah (1:34:21) I did take one month off just a couple months ago because I was coming to some pretty heavy realizations and myself that (1:34:28) one of the promises that I tried to make right away or that I did make is I will not do the (1:34:32) Podcast or any of this stuff if my cup is not full (1:34:36) Because if my cup is not full then you don’t get the genuine Johnny and if you don’t get the genuine side of me (1:34:42) I can’t pull the genuine side out of you.It’s not a fair energy exchange (1:34:47) and (1:34:47) So I took one of that (1:34:49) Gentleman that you today you that you declined a couple times a gentleman that you did podcast with you may have that on his yeah (1:34:56) Yeah (1:34:58) Yeah, I totally get it and I was shocked when you when you booked so quickly (1:35:02) I was like because you I remember hearing that stuff about being ready or whatever and then you just jump right on (1:35:07) So I was like, wow this timing must have just happened, you know, of course. Yeah, man, and because I’m (1:35:14) Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and like I said because I’m vulnerable and I said I wouldn’t really talk about too much of this (1:35:19) So I’ll leave it (1:35:20) Very generic, but I’ll be totally honest.I’m going through some of the hardest shit I’ve ever navigated right now (1:35:27) You know sitting with self a lot again in this house by myself and (1:35:32) like I said creating boundaries and families and relationships and all of these different means that (1:35:40) It’s it’s (1:35:41) Tricky to navigate (1:35:43) But it doesn’t mean that I can’t maintain a full cup (1:35:46) I’m aware of all of it. It’s all my own shit. That means I can work on it.It’s exciting (1:35:51) I don’t have to let it fucking ruin my days or go to work angry and bitter and irritated over (1:35:58) You know the fact that I don’t feel seen because whatever right? (1:36:02) We create all these wild things that are so my new oftentimes that dictate how we control our lives (1:36:09) But I’m in control of my life. And so I’m gonna try and do my best with that (1:36:15) Like that (1:36:16) Well, I think we should leave on that and I’ll hit stop recording here (1:36:20) But if you do want to share offline, what’s whatever you’re going through so you’re not you don’t the show (1:36:25) I’m happy to be a sounding board and trust me. You’ll understand after we talk offline.Yeah. Yeah, but um (1:36:33) We would you like to share any final thoughts any words any any anything with your socials any of your information (1:36:40) Please share let us know how we can get in touch with you (1:36:42) And maybe someone listens to this and wants to share their story with you. Yeah.Yeah, absolutely (1:36:48) Firstly I will say thank you again for having me on I appreciate it for everyone if you don’t like the tangents apologies (1:36:55) But that’s where the work is done sometimes right? Enjoy it while you got it. And so (1:37:00) Yes, the platform is warrior healer podcast (1:37:04) That is on all of the streaming networks besides net (1:37:08) YouTube I don’t do all video right now. And so the audio only options are all there though and Spotify (1:37:15) Podcasts Apple podcasts all that (1:37:18) You can also follow along on Instagram.That is warrior healer podcast or my personal one is Johnny jujitsu and (1:37:26) then (1:37:27) When will this one be coming out for you? (1:37:31) I’m gonna cut it and try to get it up tonight or some kind of at least have it uploaded somehow as soon as I (1:37:35) Can I literally cut it? (1:37:37) It’s gonna have all the fumbles and foils in it because you know what that’s kind of part of the conversation (1:37:41) It’s all real life brother and that’s how we do things well in that case then I had talked about it previously but (1:37:48) November 10th at the more (1:37:51) Memorial Hall at War Memorial Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. That’s gonna be a free veteran sound bath (1:37:57) That will be running from 430 to 530 doors will be open from 4 till 6 (1:38:04) Anyone that is not military or veteran or any of that you are a civilian you are still welcome to come (1:38:10) There will be in-person donations that we ask if you can donate to please do (1:38:15) So that we can continue trying to put on these events for veterans and different individuals. We feel like may (1:38:20) Benefit from these healing modalities, right these things that maybe they have no fucking clue what a sound bath is (1:38:27) We’ll come and check it out.It’s really really beautiful and great (1:38:31) so yeah, that’s an open invitation for everyone and (1:38:35) I’ll have it up before that. Please email me email me that link and all that for that for sure (1:38:41) Absolutely will do brother. Yeah, I think that’s it.You guys can check me out. We’re here the podcast. I appreciate you (1:38:46) Oh, and the last thing I will say is of course, I was gonna forget this piece right giving myself credit (1:38:52) I do work with individuals as I mentioned as a spiritual advisor (1:38:56) So if that at all (1:38:57) Interests you or you are just curious to know more about how I operate or if it’s a good fit for you (1:39:02) you can email warrior healer podcast at gmail.com and then from there we can set up a free 20-minute phone consultation a (1:39:10) discovery call and (1:39:12) Yeah, talk about what that looks like and if it’s a good fit we can go from there (1:39:17) That is beautiful man, well Johnny is very nice to meet you (1:39:20) Like I said, I’m gonna hit end recording here, but please stay on so we can share what’s what’s going on (1:39:27) everyone Johnny Martinez (1:39:29) Warrior healer podcast check it out.You’ll check it out. We’ll get links up there. I’ll have it up in a couple days (1:39:36) Johnny, thank you again so much for sharing your time with me.Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. Thanks everyone for listening (1:39:42) Have a great night, man.Take care you too, brother (1:39:56) Good night, sweetheart (1:40:02) I hate to leave you, but I really must say good night, sweetheart